Wednesday, August 14, 2013

A Beginner’s Guide on How To Take an Exam



Disclaimer: All of these answers are copied word for word from the English exams of my 6th and 7th graders. I would take pictures, but they would never upload. So, honor system. These answers actually exist. And although I appear to be making fun of some of the answers I received on this term’s final exams, I am in fact very proud of my learners. Many of them improved monumentally from last term. That said…

Welcome to Ms. May’s Tips for Test Taking! Follow these rules and you will be right as rain.

Be sure to begin by asking the proctor if you should indeed write your name on the name line.
Also, write a random phrase on the line for your grade, such as dangerous or cool boy. Numbers are for losers.

Now, let’s get going.

Read those instructions! But when you don’t know the answer, you can do several things.

1. Talk complete bollocks. For example:

Question: What is Rabies?
Answers:  -are small animal which lives in the bush eats trees
-is a something have lot of rain like Rabbit. Raining money time.
     -Is the small animal live in will but have big eyes.
                 -Rabies is the topic of the world.

2. Or, choose a random and irrelevant fact from science class to reiterate.

Question: Define what pets are and give an example of a pet.
Answer: Pets is insect like mosquitor

3. Another strategy is to start making up words.

Question: How many bread rolls did Tuli buy?
Answer: Gooby 11

Question: What is she holding in her hand?
Answer:  -is book and ekend
   -she holding a feedle
   -on dope the hand is ekori

If you still don’t know the answer, at least be sure to amuse your teacher.

Question: Change this sentence to a question: The medicine will make you better.
Answers:  -No.
     -Make better the medicine you will. (Thank you, little African Yoda.)

Finally, be sure to praise yourself. Really give yourself a pat on the back. You can even write something in the blank space on the last page if you want to. Like this:
-Good Boy!
-is excellence plz and plz!!

But don’t write this.
Miss I cano a speaking englsh (I can’t speak English.)

And if you can’t praise yourself, praise Jesus.
Good luck Jesus for me!!!!!!!!!!! Jesus!! Jesus!! Luck!!!

Got to admire the enthusiasm.


4 comments:

  1. Hahahahaha awww bless them. Makes me shudder to think what Madame Schroeder did with our old tests and quizzes from French 101...

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    Replies
    1. I know haha I'm sure she got some good laughs out of those.

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  2. I love this. Also, what *was* she holding in her hand?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A feedle. Sometimes known as a bottle of medicine.

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