And I don’t mean literally. But I did that yesterday. On my marking sheet, and now it looks like someone has puked on my learners’ final grades.
Anyway, many of you who read my blog are either family, know my family, or are my fellow volunteers. And thus you know the goings-on. But for those of you who perhaps have not been closely following my life outside this blog for the past few months, I want to let you in on some recent developments.
I want you to be in the know.
Because I care about my anonymous online audience. (Even the guy reading this because he clicked on the wrong Google link or something. Welcome, buddy.)
In 2 days I will leave Orotjitombo Primary School. In 3 weeks I will be returning home, after completing my designated year of volunteer service. I will be writing to you all until that time, but afterward, this blog will end…for the reason that “a year” is in the title, and any blogging past a year just feels like a sham.
A blog of lies.
At any rate…
The other night, while staring at the dead bug I had just smooshed on the wall and decided to keep there as a warning to his friends, I contemplated what it would feel like to get on a plane and leave Namibia, possibly forever.
The trouble was, I couldn’t visualize it. I tried to comprehend the bittersweet feelings being felt by everyone going home. I tried to imagine getting off the plane and assimilating back into my country, nudging back (an eventually comfortable) space in the American culture, speaking about my time in Namibia in the past tense. But every time I tried, my brain would short circuit and instead fill itself with images of smooshed mosquitos.
This was not for lack of interest in my own musings.
The truth is my attachment to living here runs much, much deeper than “Well, this is what I’ve known for a year, and it’s been some good times.”
It is a love.
And my brain cannot yet fathom not being here. I don’t know how to leave.
So, I am not.
A few months ago I decided that the thought of leaving was just not doing it for me at the moment. I didn’t intend on any of this to happen, and I certainly never would have anticipated my current situation.
But why not run with it?
I’ve never really been conventional. I find it boring. So, why should I start now?
So, my visa application has been submitted, and the job search is on. Although I’ll be going home for a bit over a week for the holidays and to see my long lost (and much beloved) family, I’ll be returning to Namibia before the new year.
I can’t describe my feelings about this without sounding like I have some sort of social disorder, but let’s say they run quite the gamut. Mostly, though, they are the good ones.
I’m excited, and I hope you are too. After all, I now get to start a new blog to pass on my knowledge of…absolutely nothing useful.
Consider the beans spilled.